Why am I writing this? For the past few weeks I've been really trying to figure out what qualities men desire in a wife. Turns out, the Bible already has a recipe for that. It also turns out that I'm not a Proverbs 31 woman....yet. Actually, I'm pretty freakin' far from it which is exactly why I'm writing this.
If you read the first 9 verses of Proverbs you will see the type of woman you don't want to marry - a mistress. Verse 2 begins, "What are you doing, my son?" You can go ahead and read those verses, but let's skip to all of the qualities you want to have as a female, or desire in your future wife.
Disclaimer: This is my mere exegesis of this... however, it is supported by commentary so take it as you will.
The Woman Who Fears the Lord - Proverbs 31:10-31
10: "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels." - In ancient times jewelry was a symbol of wealth, social status, authority, and royalty. It was valued so much that it was almost seen as a form of currency. Wow. A good wife is rare, special, and highly valuable.
Note: Proverbs 18:22 solidifies this with, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."
11: "The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." - A good wife is trusted.
12: "She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life." - A good wife is supportive of her husband and does him no harm. All the days of her life...not just some days, all days.
13: She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." - She is willingly a hard worker. I assume this means she is a seamstress of sorts and knows how to work with textiles (fabrics). Ladies, learn to sew. I guarantee you one day your husband will need you to sew on a button for him. How cute is that!? :)
14: "She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar." - Feed the guy. Learn to cook.. this is probably how we will win them over. I don't really know how to cook so this is the first skill I'm trying to learn to domesticate myself more. I have the sewing thing down, and a machine to prove it!
15: "She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens." - In my Bible the commentary notes explain this verse as, "before the day begins, the "excellent wife" multiplies the effectiveness of her work, because her planning enables everyone else in her household to be productive throughout the day." In modern day, I assume this means she is efficient in all her ways: arises early to make breakfast for the kids, get them dressed, and sends them off to school, picks out her husband's clothing, makes his coffee (eh, maybe not), etc. Whatever she does, she is productive all day long.
16: "She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard." - An excellent woman is business/career-minded. She is financially educated, and I assume she also maintains a pretty stellar garden.
17: "She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong." - Athletic to some degree. She at least takes care of her body to some extent and dresses well.
18: "She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night." - "her merchandise" - She is probably good at making things, crafts, etc. She even stays up late to do it if it will ensure a profit for her or her family.
19: "She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle." - A distaff and spindle are both tools used to make thread from wool. An excellent woman has a range of abilities that involve manual and commercial labor, administrative and interpersonal skills.
20: "She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy." - She must be giving, considerate, and compassionate for the less fortunate.
21: "She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet." - She prepares for the weather before clothing her family?
22: "She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." - She makes clothing? Quilting? Probably crocheting and knitting, too.. there has to be a correlation to this and all the old women who have successful marriages with their first and only husband. I just know it.
23: "Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land." - She makes her husband proud because of her noble character. The quality is probably the most important because an excellent wife helps give you a good reputation.
24: "She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant." - She's an entrepreneur!
25: "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come." - She's modest and has self respect, not only in her clothing choices, but also in her manner and how she carries herself.
26: "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." - She's wise and teaches kindness.
Note: Most of the time in wisdom literature (Proverbs, among other books), wisdom is personified using men, however, this passage shows that it equally applies to women as well. Proverbs can be understood by both men and women.
27: "She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." - She is not lazy. She is diligent in caring for her home: cooking, cleaning, etc. Am I saying she is the only one doing all the work? No. Is this a feminist push for women to be the typical housewife? No. An excellent woman is not lazy in any way.
28 and 29: "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." - I honestly think this means that she raises her children to be well-behaved, and they love her for it. Her husband praises her for it. Her children have a good relationship with her and everyone realizes the value in the family.
30: "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." - I know, every girl quotes this, right? Well that just means it's probably true. I mean, it does say that "beauty is vain", yet so many guys base their decision to date a girl by her looks. Her charm will fade, her beauty will fade, but her fear of the Lord must never fade. Beauty is a bonus, Godliness first.
My commentary says, "The mention of a woman who fears the Lord at the end of this long list of excellent qualities, brings back the theme of the book of Proverbs states in 1:7 (fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom). It reminds readers that this woman excels in her fear of the Lord, and therefore that she is a model of the character traits and wisdom taught throughout the book's 31 chapters. The appearance of this woman's fear of the Lord at the end of the list is also a reminder that this quality is more important than even great skill and talent, and is foundational to the wise and right use of all activities and skills.
31: "Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates." - Husbands, praise your wife for how excellent she is. This is your sign of love to her.
As an overview, some of the qualities I listed to make you an excellent woman include:
Trusting
Be good to him, supportive
Hardworking
Taking care of the household, kids.
Business/career-minded
Financially educated
Athletic, strong
Gardener
Crafty, makes things
Stays up late if needed to put family first
Giving
Makes her husband proud of her, noble character
Gives her husband a good reputation
Modest, self-respect
Dignity
Wise
Teacher
Not lazy
Beautiful, charming, but first of all, Godly.
At the end of the day, I just want to be more like a Proverbs 31 woman. If there could ever be a perfect woman, she's probably the closest we will ever find. If she can be found..
"An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels..."
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