Mid-Year Reflect.

It appears as though nearly half the year has gone by and I have utterly failed at all of my New Year's resolutions. (See previous blog post.) But....that's okay. The Lord has really been showing me that there is not even one ounce of guilt, shame, or condemnation for those who are His children. 

The world tells me that it's about performance. This has become particularly evident with graduations happening about this time of year. The long robes, the multi-colored cords that hang from your neck, the plaques, awards, trophies, etc. Those are all awesome achievements! They definitely deserve respect and honor, and they all took hard work and excellence. It glorifies God, that's for sure. But, even then, God must be honored outside the classroom too, and outside of the numerous activities we can be involved in. 

It's been two years since I graduated college and really just feel like I have nothing to show for it except a bunch of debt, and the daily financial strains it has caused my family. However, I remind myself that I did finish. I'm the first to finish. That's something to be proud of, but something to be humble about...because now I work two jobs trying to knock out my debt while I'm young. The debt weighs on me. My car payment weighs on me. I feel guilty for buying clothes, even the small things like a bottle of water or gum. Budgeting has helped me, certainly, but the debt still weighs over my head and my heart for my family. 

I know something radical is about to happen. I'm thinking about selling everything I have just to pay off as much debt as possible. Sell my car. Sell every nice thing I have of worth. I've considered travelling to another country to teach English as a Second Language. Getting my TESOL certificate. If I leave the country for 2 years I can pay all of my debt off. Yet, if I stay, I will be paying on it for at least the next 10 years. I just want to be free.

These two ideas aren't really related, just something I've been thinking about a lot. Many times I've just dreaded reading my Bible, and I just haven't done it. Worship became dull. Life seemed dark for awhile there, but God is the hope that saves me and continues to save me each day. Moving, starting a new job, attending a new church, etc, has been really great for me. I just know there's something more. There's something more radical God is calling me to do. I just want to know what that is. 

Today I traded shifts with someone and got to sleep in. I got to wake up and listen to worship with a clear mind - not tired. I got to journal and be inspired. God isn't calling us to live a life NOT free. He calls us to live free. I left that time feeling inspired and encouraged and full of hope for the future. I won't always have debt. I won't always work two jobs. I will get to travel the world someday. I will get to do the radical things God is calling me to do!

Sorry..this is probably an incomplete thought with bad transitions between idea concepts, but does anybody else feel this way??

Some NEW New Year's Resolutions, or Mid-Year Resolutions....haha... are these: 

Note: I've given up the performance based resolutions...time for the real hard stuff God wants to show me.

1. Accept God's grace for myself.
2. Accept God's goodness through the dark and happy times both.
3. Forgive yourself. 
4. Walk in freedom.
5. Keep being a financial beast.
6. Travel more.
7. View singleness as a God-given opportunity to better yourself, progress towards the future, and serve God to the fullest.
8. Clean eating.
9. Join Fusion Fitness and within 1 year be in the best physical shape of my life.
10. Stop living in fear.
11. Stop living in fear.
12-infinity: STOP LIVING IN FEAR. 

Actually, there is a 13: Accept God's love for me, and ultimately, accept Him as my Father.

2015, Welcome.

For the past few days I have been searching vigorously through old files, flash drives, emails, etc. I cannot find my New Year's resolutions for 2014..... they are nowhere to be found. No wonder this year was tough....there was no vision.

Every year since since 2010 I have set goals for myself and I've darn near reached every one of them by the end of it. 2015 will be no different. While most of my goals are personal, financial, emotional, etc., this year my aim is to work on the more spiritual.

1. Protect my personal devotion time with the Lord. 
- Less distractions, no Facebooking, even less worship music. Just me and God talking like best friends, every single day without exception.
-Find good devotional book, continue journaling.

2. Learn to play/sing more worship songs.
-Find out what keys work best for me.
-Get better at playing solo/leading instead of following.
-Challenge myself vocally.
-Practice at least twice a week outside of usual practice

3. Serve the church more faithfully. 
-Be involved, but not too involved in order to avoid burnout.
-Serve in areas that will stretch me and push me out of my comfort zone.
-Tithe above 10%
-Pay my ministerial renewal before the very last day of the year.....................never fails.

4. Snag more preaching engagements.

5. Study more.
-A few days ago I jokingly wrote a Facebook status noting that half of my education comes from articles found online and the other half from Pinterest DIY tutorials... this will need to change.
-Read about things I've never thought about studying before.. just continue being a learner.

6. Work on preaching calendar and sermon series for the future.
-Need to find better reading materials to help with this.
-Work on commentary collection, pastoral resources.

7. Travel.
-Wisconsin, Texas, Minnesota, Alabama... you are all on my list. 

8. Cherish family time more.

9. Develop culinary skills further.
-Or marry a chef.

10. Run a handful of 5K's.
-Under 35 minutes is the goal.

11. Get gym membership.

12. Healthier lifestyle.
-Lose 30 pounds.
-Wear a size 12 in pants, medium in shirts.

13. Become a financial expert.
-Excel in new position at the credit union.
-Invest in a money market, IRA, HSA, etc. 
-Pay off my car! 

14. Make more guy friends.
-...and keep them. Ha.

15. Be more adventurous. 
-Get out there and freakin' do something dangerous for once! 

There you have it. :)