"This is my final goodbye"...
I've heard this 3 times so far.
Apparently, there is no such thing as a "final goodbye", at least not in this scenario anyway.
You didn't give me a chance to tell you how I feel. You just said, "drop it". "How can I just drop something like this?", "You realize that nothings gonna change. You need to just move on with your life." Great. Well, thank you. I do believe I have changed over the past few years, I mean, how could you not? 3 Years is a long time to be stagnant, if it's even possible. Everything changes. Everyday something changes. Society changes. Our emotions change how many times a day? My theme here is "change".
So, maybe you do need a change of pace, and a need for space. I get it. BUT, I don't expect you to be someone you're not, and I like you for being YOU. You shouldn't expect me to be something I'm not either...because it's unhealthy. Right? That's what you said.
I just feel like you can't run away from something so easily. You said you'd never leave, but "never" is one of those absolute commitments. But, what is commitment to you? Wait, you know nothing about this word. The only thing you're committed to is yourself. I know I'm selfish too sometimes, but you're selfishness is ruining everything. It makes sense that you left God so long ago...because God despises selfishness.
I'm not sure what happened...but one weekend said it all.
You leave, come back, and suddenly you end it.
I feel like you broke up with me...even though we never really had anything going on in the first place. I guess that's what happens when you get so close to someone over so long of time. I'm not sure who said something to you, or what exactly they said to you, but I find it sad that ONE person can change your perspective and tell you what to do...and you listen to them. They only person who has that much influence in my life is God. But you are listening to another voice.
I feel like this is all stupid. But I'm not taking it personally. I respect your decision. Sometimes I can be overwhelmingly clingy, and annoying. I really do understand that. Wanting space is something we all go through. You said you were "b.s.-ing" me for the past two months... I'm not really sure what that means, but that probably explains why you've been rude and insulting to me a lot more.
I'm making the most of my life. I'm in the best place I could be. I have the best life I could ask for. You say you're happy, and if I made you happy then you wouldn't leave.. I guess that's not true.
I just don't get why we can't make this work? We have to know what we're doing wrong before we can make changes. The "change" I spoke of earlier. Maybe you need to figure things out..and I have to let you go do that. I deserved a better reason and explanation. You wished me well. I couldn't utter a word. Shocked in confusion. I'm not sure I know how to get over this, but healing will come quick. It has before. I pray God finds you one day. He will add more meaning to your life than I will. I feel bad for getting in the way of things. I'm sorry you lost hope in our friendship and ultimately in me.
So be it. "The Final Goodbye".
