My Soul is Disturbed.

My soul is disturbed.
It's disturbed by sin...
Thoughts of sin...
The consequences of sin...
The things we do to ourselves.
The situations we put ourselves in.
It just disturbs me.

The darkness of the world.
The depth of evil.
The blackness and coldness we feel.
A depraved state of mind..
It disturbs me.

I'm disturbed by my realization of what "sin" is.
The disturbing part about sin, is that we can't escape it.
We WILL fall short, but that makes God's mercy even more merciful.
Sin has 2 forms: internal and external.
Sin is internalized by the impurities of our hearts, our own evil desires.
Sin moves from the internal to the external.
What could form as bitterness, resentment, etc. can form into gossip, slander, malice.
Lustfulness can be acted upon.
Ultimately, sin is anything that separates us from God no matter what "category" it's in.
...And our body and soul are left to deal with the consequences..

I'm disturbed.
I wish I could purge my body of every ounce of sin.
To be perfect...because that's what God desires of me.
To be holy and pure, without it there is no reaching Heaven..

I'm disturbed by by the fact that not everyone will meet Jesus.
.....the ones who claim there is no God.
.....the ones who hate God.
.....the bad things that happen to us as a result of evil.
.....the ones who DO those evil things.

I feel afflicted by the pain of others.
My wrists hurt when I think of others cutting themselves.
My stomach aches for those who make themselves throw up.
My heart hurts for the broken-hearted.
I'm disturbed..

Jesus met people where they were.
Paul became all things to all people so that some may be saved.

Does sin disturb you?
It sure disturbs me.

I don't want this blog to be taken the wrong way...or to be emo or seen as negative.
After this I read Philippians 4:8.
"...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
I guess I'm getting to my point...let your soul be disturbed by the sin in your life, and let your mind be disturbed by positive things in the process.

noble.
right.
pure.
lovely.
admirable.
excellent.
praiseworthy.

Think on these things.
It may make your struggle against sin a little easier.

Music.

After going to 2 very awesome secular concerts this week I think I've learned a lot...

First, some basic similarities between the two:
-An acoustic set means the same thing at both types of concerts
-Musicians are still talented no matter what type of music they play
-There's just as much jumping up and down and hand raising at both.
-People go insane over worship bands, and secular ones.
-They all sell merchandise...

Ok...you get the point. They're THE SAME, except for the most crucial aspect.
Jesus is the center of worship, and the band/artist is the center of worship for the other.

Boyce Avenue helps sex-trafficking.
Kelly Clarkson helps orphans in West Africa.

Both secular artists doing great things for the earth/society.....dare I say, even Jesus? They just don't realize the depth of what they're doing maybe, but if a Christian goes out and does the same thing it's for "Kingdom advancement". It sounds the same to me..

Secular music is just that.......about the MUSIC.
Worship isn't about the music...but the reason for making it.

This could have been longer...and more profound...and more grammatically correct.....but I'm tired.

God is Magnificent.

God is more than good.
"Good" just seems too mediocre to describe the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present God.
Good....to me...seems an understatement.

God is awesome.
In the past 2 weeks He has provided everything I needed.

Internship at a church. (possibly)
A 3rd roommate for my apartment when a previous one backed out.
Way more tax money that I know what to do with.
Scholarship.
A chance to lead worship for class.
Salvation of someone I prayed for to accept it.
Lots of hours at my great job.

God has a perfect timing for everything.
Maybe he will send me to Hawaii after I graduate, eh? :]

Not to mention how blessed I was at chapel today.
I wish I never took chapel for granted, and really sought God EVERY time.
So, we had to pray for all the visiting students, and I put my hand on a girl's shoulder.
The incredible part? She had a word for me from the Lord!! I thought it was supposed to be the other way around...

Jeremiah 29:11-13 is exactly right. God knows His plans for us. And, I'm fine not knowing what it is because honestly, I'd probably freak out. My little 3 pound brain cannot comprehend all that God has in store for me.

We will find Him if we seek Him with all of our hearts.
Then he blesses us.. and shows us what we're supposed to do.

God is magnificent.
I just can't use any words to explain Him in entirety.

Looking Forward.

Hopefully by the end of tomorrow I can look back and say, "This has truly been the most successful week I've had in awhile."
Why?
Because I'll have signed the lease on my apartment and I'll have found the church that I'll be doing my internship at over the summer.
So very exciting. :)

Also, this past week has most definitely been full of life lessons.
I realized that my problems are NOTHING compared to that of others.
Some people have dying family members, some battle pancreatic cancer (the fastest spreading of them all), and some wake up everyday with stomach problems because of an autoimmune disease.
When I think my life is a struggle (and it may very well be), there are others who need prayer more.
There is always someone to pray for besides myself.
Someone who's in more dire, desperate situations than I am.
My life just becomes irrelevant. And.. that's ok.

If I fall off the radar, it's most likely because God wants to show me something off the radar.

This week I've learned that God answers prayer sometimes within minutes of you asking.
When it comes to salvations...this is probably the most crucial concept on earth to grasp, because it has an eternal effect.
I prayed that someone would accept salvation.........and 10 minutes later they did.
And, it wasn't because I prayed....because I wasn't the only one praying for it, but it was because God was finishing His divine plan that He had been working out for awhile now.
This is just when He chose to do it.
NEVER stop praying for someone to be saved.
You never know the day God will choose to answer your prayer.
And you never know the steps and process in which He will go about answering it too..
He's a sneaky one.

Some of my other random thoughts for this week:
1. I always rearrange my room during school breaks.
2. I have a cereal addiction.
3. I love isolation entirely too much... so much that it would worry any normal person.
4. I'm more introvert than I want to be.
5. I would be the happiest person if I could start my day off by waking up at 8:30 followed by a good run.
6. My dreams have been OFF.THE.WALL.
7. I'm going to start saving $100 a month for a new car eventually, and $100 to pay off the interest on my school loans. (My parents would be proud if they saw this).
8. I'm going to be single forever. Willingly. And enjoy it.
9. Oh....a concert addiction as well. I spent about $80 in one evening buying a bunch of tickets. :/ :D Hello Boyce Avenue, Kelly Clarkson, Gungor, and Winter Jam! Probably the Fray and Snow Patrol as well. :D I'm so excited I could pee.

Anyway...back to the "looking forward" concept.
Even when I can't see exactly how the future is going to pan out, life inevitably has a way of working itself out in the long run...
Things start falling into place when you put God first and foremost in every one of your decisions.
...sometimes it feels like you're on the mountaintop looking over a city. You see everything that's built and you realize that God is the one who built it all. You realize that any work that you do could never compare to how God would have done it.
It's comforting to go to bed knowing that God has a plan, and it's ok that you don't know any of it.
BUT, when you do see it coming to fruition just know that it won't last and that you'll have to find your way through the fog to truly know what's ahead of you.

I'm excited about moving on with my life. In all honesty, the next year of my life could not go any faster. And if it did, I'd probably want it to slow down.
I tend to want things to change, and when they do, I decide that I hate the change.
I'm excited about not having curfew, being able to do my own laundry any day of the week, cleaning my apartment more sparse, and making my own food.
Doing some interior design..
Having a dog to come home to every night.
Having one of my best friends to vent to after a long day.

I hope it's as great as I'm hoping it is. :)




Meet Boomer. Well...this isn't him, but he looks like him. (my roommates dog) :)