In Memory of..

So...yesterday was probably one of the saddest days in my life.
I'd definitely put it up there with one of the worst days of school, at least.

We had the memorial service for Roger Thomassen, my piano teacher, and friend.
It was very sad, but in the midst of the sadness the family was still worshiping God.
It began with the song, "Blessed Assurance" which is fitting because Roger always loved the hymns!
There were so many of his music students involved that it just warmed my heart.
I wish I could have been up there but then again I probably couldn't have handled it.

Brother Thomassen was always a man of God.
He never stopped working.
From watering the flowers around campus, to writing fabulous blogs about the poetry and music, to running 5K's, teaching classes, giving lessons, he was always busy doing something. Maybe his busyness just caught up with him? If that's the case, that's how I'd like to go out too....with a bang for Jesus.

He was always faithful to God, I just know it. You can tell when someone just radiates holiness. He was one of those. Faithful to the end, never giving up, always striving to do great things for God and never ceased.

The service was just overall great. Very sad, but very great. It gave me the closure I needed because I couldn't make it to the actual funeral (celebration of life) service. I had an eye exam that day, but one of my friends called me and told me how amazing it was. Definitely a celebration of a noble life. She said that one of my music professors read my Facebook post because it captured the essence of who Roger truly was. I felt such peace and comfort in my heart that day. I was really bummed that I couldn't be there, but I know that he knows I was there in spirit...especially since they picked my Facebook post. MINE! Numerous people were writing their condolences, memories, feelings....but they picked mine. I felt so special, honored, and I'm thankful that I felt led to write it that day. Yesterday they read my Facebook post again, but I was there to hear it! And I broke down.

Brother Thomassen,

I know you're reading this now...from a better perspective. If you're reading this I just really want to say that I'm sorry for dropping piano lessons. We could have had another semester together. Another semester I missed out on learning from your wisdom and hearing all of your amazing stories...but it's ok. I will pick piano back up again one day, I promise. And every time I play a song I will remember you.

For some reason I think you're still up in your office....just hiding out. Grading papers....composing a song...
I will miss just being able to go up there and have a chat with you. At this point I find myself trying to rack my brain and have all of our moments and memories flood back..

I remember one time in the cafe you told me that you had read my blog, and you enjoyed it.  You told me to keep writing. I always loved reading your blogs too. If only you could read this one, but I know you probably are.

I won't have anyone to talk to about you know who...  You gave him piano lessons as a kid, he used to go to CBC, and now he isn't serving God.  I know your heart grieved when I told you that as much as mine still does.

Man...this is hard. I'm just gonna miss everything about you, but I know everything is better in heaven and we will see each other again one day.  They probably have better pianos, bigger sheet music, better blogs interfaces, and way more flowers for you to water.

I wish I could be where you were, but my job here isn't done.
But when it is, we shall meet again.

Thanks for being my friend.
I learned a lot from you in such a short amount of time.

My Facebook post:

"I'm so sad to mourn the loss of Roger Thomassen. He was the first professor I met when I was pulling into CBC my first day to move into the dorms. He helped unload my stuff and we immediately started talking about music. I'll never forget the piano lessons I had with him for a year. He always encouraged me to see potential in myself that I didn't realize I had. My favorite lesson was when he got e

xcited that I learned inversions faster than most of his other students. He taught me to read sheet music with imagination and made practicing more fun than work. I loved that he would always high-five me after each lesson. He was definitely one of the coolest, funnest, wisest, and most encouraging professors I've ever had. Part of my love for music was because of his inspiration. You will be missed." - August 13, 2012.

Oh, and if this memorial service wasn't difficult enough, later in the day I found out that it was my preaching professor's last day.. 

He was the reason I changed my minor to preaching. He had such a powerful way of teaching and in one semester I loved it enough to add it as my minor. I remember talking to him after class about female preachers.  He told me to take every opportunity I get to preach.  Even if it's just being up on stage, youth, anything.

However the part that touched me the most was that he said he had chosen ministry over his wife and family before....and he's had to struggle through that.  He's stubborn....and didn't want to leave CBC.  He wanted to be here forever and he said the moment he graduated he knew he wanted to come back.  He wanted to stay with us until the end...but the consolidation has changed that.  

His wife had an interview in NY and they both went.  They people at the school started talking to him too! He was adamant about turning them down because CBC was where he wanted to be.  He said his wife had been gone for a week and a half and his daughter was here with him.  At first I thought they were splitting up or something, but then he said his last day was today. 

 

He said he made the absolute wrong decision in picking ministry over his family. He said family ALWAYS comes before ministry. He apologized for not making this decision sooner...it'd almost be better if he didn't come back this August...but I'm glad he did so everyone could say goodbye. Then, he asked if we had any questions and proceeded on with class. A pretty terrible transition but I guess there's no way it could have been any smoother. We prayed with him after class. I'm excited about what his future holds! Starting a Bible Institute will be amazing.

Anyway, I still feel the heaviness from yesterday. I think this last year at CBC is going to be rough, yet exciting. I love all of my classes, but the atmosphere is so different. Different in a good way, yet bittersweet way because I know this is the end. 

The End.

God Has a Plan in the Midst of Exile.

So...last night I got to preach at church.
...BIG church.

I was so nervous I thought I might throw up on stage....but luckily I didn't.
I'd say I did pretty good for being my first 20ish minute sermon and my first time on a big stage!

I preached, "God has a plan in the midst of exile." from Jeremiah 29:10-14.
I had known I was going to preach for the past month, but it wasn't until the week of Fine Arts that I knew what I was supposed to preach.  Every evening that week I went back to my hotel and pushed play on my iPod. "I Will Search for You" by Israel & New Breed came on.  I'd always loved this song, but this week it just rang so true and clear to me.

This message was even more so confirmed as I told a coworker what I was preaching about, and he said he had done that same verse for his sister's graduation video! And then my mentor emails me saying she prayed for me and signs the email with Jeremiah 29:11! And then my roommate just so happens to tell me she's reading a book by Eugene Peterson about the book of Jeremiah. WOW!

Sarah, you aren't searching for God enough.  You've been so run down this whole summer with working a full-time job, having 2 online classes, and an internship I had to be faithful to.  However, God had a plan in the midst of exile.

That was exactly my homiletical idea but I didn't know it until I began writing the sermon.
And this sermon took me a few days to write!! I started with the exegetical outline, homiletical outline, and then the sermon manuscript. For those of you not in Bible College, let me put it in layman's terms (hahahah! no offense, of course) I wrote out an outline of the verses, then an outline of the concepts/ideas I got from the verses, and then a word-for-word manuscript of what I wanted to say.

I'd actually only practiced preaching this sermon once on Monday night, once Tuesday night, and then a few times Wednesday before I had to give it.  I've never been so scared of anything in my life, and to top it off I started getting a headache... Bad timing...but I took some aspirin and napped for an hour so it went away before it really began!

The purpose of my sermon was this, to let people know God has a plan a promise for their lives even when we feel like exiles.  We've all been ostracized at some point in our lives before...whether it be missionaries in a foreign land, or a military person being deported... these are all extreme cases just like when the Israelites were exiled to Babylon. Nonetheless, we've all felt left out before, alone, meaningless, worthless. We've all questioned who we are at some point in our lives.

...when I got up on stage all my jitters disappeared after I prayed.
I was up on stage, like this is what I'm supposed to be doing the rest of my life, whether it be pastoring, or just being a motivational speaker...which has secretly always been a hidden desire of mine.

I'm so thankful I had great friends who came!
Thank you to Sarah, Beka, Heidi, Allie, Misty, Sophia, Kim, Breanne, Elyse and all who came. :)
It made that night really special and so much easier to preach in a loving environment!!

Everyone came up to me after service saying how great it was....how they didn't know I had such hidden talent. Someone even told me that he was going to say that I would make a great minister one day, but he said that I already was one. :) Pastor even joked about stealing my notes... hahaha!

But in all honesty, the sermon wasn't about me...it was about God and his plan. It wasn't about me being up on stage doing something fanciful for God. It wasn't me pointing out how spiritual I am. It was about me telling the people going through rough times that God has a plan even if they cannot see it in the midst of their sin, depression, anger, bitterness, etc. God is greater than the words I spoke, and I fumbled my words at times and could have used better illustrations..

The sermon itself wasn't great, but it was the lesson behind it that made it great.

I'm so thankful for my 3 months at this church.  They even took up a love offering which meant a lot to me. Oh, and I got a cd of my sermon too! It's crazy when you're surrounded by an entire church that feels like family and wants to hug and kiss you ever week even if you haven't personally gotten to know them as well as you'd want.

This was just such a great experience and I thank God for the opportunity to be used for His glory.

God has a plan in the midst of exile, a plan and a promise that we can stand on. Know that, and don't ever forget it.

Jeremiah 29:10-14

Hopeless Romantics Anonymous.

Hi. 

I'm Sarah. 

And....I'm a hopeless romantic.

Thanks for accepting me into this support group, 

Hopeless Romantics Anonymous. (HRA)

"Hello, Sarah."

Come have a seat..

"Thanks.. er.. I'm new to this." 

"So are we, you'll be fine."

"Ok.."

"What are you here for?"

Well...this is where it begins.

The first step is to admit you have a problem. 

And...I do.

It may help if I define a hopeless romantic for you.

My good friend, Urban Dictionary, defines it as such: 

"This person is in love with love.

They believe in fairy tales and love.

They're not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that's not what a hopeless romantic is. 

All hopeless romantics are idealists,the sentimental dreamers,the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them.

They often live with rose colored glasses on.

They make love look like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone."

 Yep. That's me. 

Idealist.

Sentimental dreamer.

Imaginative.

Fanciful.

I adore my rose colored glasses.

Romance is art..

You know.. I just wonder what it's like to reject someone. 

It must feel nice as often as it happens to me. 

If I could pay you to stab my heart and rip it out of my chest, I would. 

But you're probably too good of a friend not to. 

*sighs.. That's why I'm here. This stupid HRA meeting.

I'm conducting it myself, because, well, I made it up...

At times I wish it did exist though.

Actually, my heart isn't as broken as normal. 

In fact, I feel nothing. 

I'm sitting here staring at a screen, typing entirely too fast.

My brain isn't processing any of this, yet, I can't think of anything else to do.

I guess I could force myself to go to sleep.

I could force myself to cry.

Or...I could just sit here and think about what I've done.

I've told you how I feel.

That you're gorgeous.

Precious. 

So smart and successful.

Nearly perfect in every way.

I knew I had no chance,

I expected your exact reply.

I even prepared myself.

There's just nothing like this bottomless pit sinking feeling in your stomach.

You almost want to curl over and die. 

But you can't....because tomorrow you're going to wake up on the same side of the bed.

You're going to look at yourself in the mirror, and see the same person.

You're going to walk around like everything is alright.

It's going to be just another day in which you move forward...

Forcibly...

But you push yourself.