A New Level.

I feel like God is calling me to a new level of holiness.
He's calling us all to take deeper steps in our relationship with him.

This thought as been brewing for awhile...
I just never knew what God wanted me to do.
"How can I be more holy?"
"Make me more like You."
This was all I knew to pray.

It hit me in Aural Theory I. The teacher asked if anyone wanted to pray before class started, one person raised their hand. I thought, "Wow. We're in a group of future ministers, pastors, and worship leaders and nobody wants to pray....." I thought to myself, "Our hands should just be flying in the air! We should be eager to pray for our fellow classmates and brothers and sisters in Christ. Why aren't we?" The next class my hand shot up.

The same thing happened in finance class....."UGH. Why doesn't anyone want to pray?" I thought we were more spiritual than that, better yet, I thought prayer had more meaning and eagerness than what showed up in class that day. "Who wants to pray for class today?" Nobody....long pause.....5 seconds go by.....the teacher stares at us..... That happens everyday. Of all places, at Bible College!? And nobody wants to pray? Jeez. Maybe I'm being harsh about this, but I'm venting about the entire semester. ALL semester it's been this way. I figured more people would want to step up and be leaders. I decided as an upperclassman, this is my initiative to take.

So...I go to chapel and right after worship I hear God speak to me. He was angry.
He said, "Why do you keep picking up past sin!?" Angry. But, He's right. He always is.
Shoot, He knows me better than I know myself. I immediately have all these thoughts of what exactly I'm letting back into my life. God's already redeemed me. Why am I picking these things up again? Music. Movies. TV in general.

I've thrown away all my bad music.
I've given up bad habits, and formed excellent ones.
I've formed standards and boundaries.
I've started telling the truth. The absolute truth. The bitter truth. The ugly truth.

"Why do you keep picking up past sin!?"
Paul says in Romans 6, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin, how can we live in it any longer?" I felt bad. Then grace poured out on me. I didn't understand or feel grace for the longest time. Grace is almost unexplainable until you FEEL it. Until you experience it. Until you're grateful for it. Someone got up on stage and prayed God's grace over us, and an immediate peace and joy filled me. Jesus paid for my sin on the cross a long time ago. There's no guilt or condemnation involved. And if there is, I haven't been rebuked out of love.

My hope is that if you're struggling with sin, know that Jesus died for it. We are dead to sin, but very much alive in Christ. Ask for the Holy Spirit's strength and boldness to overcome sin and temptation. Take every thought captive and learn self-control. This the ultimate sign of spiritual maturity. When you can control your flesh and desires. And when you're weak and cannot control them, grace abounds. Accept it, but don't live in it.

Peace and blessings to you.

25 Things to Be Thankful For.

So...everyone is posting things to be thankful for and I haven't been keeping up with the countdown everyday this month. However, this is my list... :)

I am thankful for/that...

1. Jesus saved me. Lord knows we're all so undeserving and unworthy, yet He loves us anyway.

2. Visiting family. Some people are staying in the dorms over Thanksgiving break, and I'm thankful my home is just 30 minutes away. I'm also thankful my parents get to visit from South Dakota and my uncle is coming from Texas. I'm thankful for a great future sister-in-law, and I'm thankful that my brother and I are nearly best friends for the first time since we've been born. I'm thankful for both sets of grandparents being alive and well, and the coolest aunt ever.

3. Bible school. I do not know where I would be if I wasn't here. Probably chasing some money making degree that I would still be unhappy with. I'm thankful for a greater call on my life. It's an honor that God would choose me to proclaim His Word.

4. Friends. I have lots of friends, few best friends. I'm thankful for all of them. I cherish different things about each and every one of them, and I have different types of conversation with each and every one of them. So unique, and fun. For all of my broken and unrestored friendships out there, I'm sorry I failed you. I'm not perfect, and I don't try to be. Maybe God will bring us around to each other again someday. And maybe then, He'll have taught me how to better cater to your needs.

5. Health. This isn't something I necessarily think of being thankful for, but I am learning to LOVE the way I look. My too curly hair, being short, big eyes, etc. I've really been working on my image and self-esteem lately and am losing weight from running so much. I appreciate having legs to run, even if they're fat. I appreciate having no ankle or foot problems, etc. Overall, I'm thankful for a healthy body, mind, and heart. I'm thankful for being the way that I am, and the way God created me to be.

6. My job. I write for The Voice (school newspaper), and work the concession stand at basketball games. It doesn't sound like much money, and it's not, but it's fun. I am currently looking for a job with set weekly hours, but God still provides in every situation.

7. Freedom. I'm thankful I live in the U.S. and have many more freedoms than other countries have. Freedom to worship. Freedom of speech. A freeing government (more so than Communist countries). 

8. MUSIC!!!! I'm so thankful God gave us the creativity for music. I love singing music, dancing to music, playing music, and writing music. I may not be good at every one of these, but I'm learning. I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn all the intricate details that make music so enjoyable to listen to. I'm thankful that I was raised on a wide variety of music genres. 

9. Technology. Where would we be without it? So convenient, yet addictive, but it gets the job done. In a hurry. 

10. Food. This should probably be #2, I almost love it that more than my parents. haha. What can I say? We can't live without it. So much variety. So many textures. So many food groups. I'm thankful that I'm cutting back on fast food and soda. I'm thankful for water, and our creativity to milk a cow. I'm thankful that food brings about such fellowship and good conversation. It's one thing that EVERY person has in common.

11. Mentors/Teachers/Professors. I'm thankful for my mentor. I'm thankful for teachers and counselors. I'm especially thankful for the awesome ones at CBC! I'm thankful for anyone who speaks life into me. That someone would take the time to care about my life and what I'm doing with it. Someone who gives advice and guides me into better knowledge of God. Thank you for handling me. I know it's hard.

12. Emotions. I'm thankful that humans aren't robots. We're all magnificently different. I'm thankful for our many different emotions. Although they do get in the way sometimes, I'm thankful for the many different ways we express them. Art, music, etc.

 13. My dorm. I'm thankful for shelter. I'm thankful for a place of peace, a place I can go to at the end of the day to rest and relax. I'm thankful for my bed and the furniture already placed in it.  I'm thankful I get to decorate it however I want and I rearrange it whenever I want. I love my room.


14. Chapel. I'm thankful for great worship leaders here at CBC! I'm thankful for the talent and leadership skills it takes to get up in front of people and belt out your heart to God. I hope to be a great worship leader one day, but not only that, I hope to be great at leading people into worship because I myself have learned to worship freely. 


15. The Beauty of Nature. I'm thankful God is so creative. The world can be a beautiful place.


16. Church. I'm thankful for a body of Christ that's so warming and accepting. I'm thankful for a place that uplifts and encourages you in your walk with God. I'm thankful for people who are there when you need them. I'm thankful God manifests himself in giving us different gifts used to edify one another.


17. Exercise/Sports! I'm thankful for the strength and energy they give you. I'm thankful for the ability and coordination it takes to learn a sport. It makes you feel good and look great. 


18. Clothes. I'm thankful for the colors, styles, and brands. So much to choose from. Can't forget my addiction to shoes. Clothes and shoes can be expensive, and I'm blessed to have what I do have. Most importantly, underwear.


19. Books. I'm thankful for the intelligence that comes from them! All the interesting topics to choose from. I'm thankful I have access to a Bible, and it's not illegal.


20. Ministers. Pastors. Christians. Missionaries. Leaders. These are some of the hardest positions one could have. I admire and aspire to be great at all of these.


21. Money. We couldn't survive without it. 


22. Schedules. I couldn't manage my life without one. 


23. Free time. I'm thankful for the moments I have to myself, to just sit and think, and ponder the meaning of life. To evaluate my heart, and process my emotions. The freedom to just pass time doing something fun. Those are rare in college.


24. Joy. I'm glad we can experience deep joy in our hearts. I'm thankful that in the deepest, darkest times in our lives, we can be intimate and vulnerable with God and still feel joy. Happiness comes and goes based on life's circumstances, but joy is more deeply rooted in knowing Christ's promises and rewards once we reach heaven.

25. Last, but most important: Love. I'm thankful for the ability to love, and the depth of love. The intimacy, and intricacy of love. I'm thankful for the feelings and emotions loving people leaves you with. I'm thankful for the love I appreciate from others. I'm thankful love never fails, never hurts, always perseveres and trusts. There is nothing bad about love, and it's a universal language that everyone speaks. <3

Be thankful.

Let the Worship Lead You...

So...this week I got to lead Junior Class chapel worship. Probably the most fun and exciting thing I've ever done. I've never been more nervous about anything else in my life. Probably because nothing is more important than worship. My job was to lead the people into the presence of God.

I contemplated music selection for 3 weeks. What songs to play?? Better yet, what songs to LEARN. There are only a few songs on guitar that I'm pretty great at playing. It was helpful to have a friend help me too. He played piano and sang, which helped me feel more confident about the whole thing, especially with only practicing together twice. Two instruments + two voices = an awesome melodic set. We played "No Sweeter Name" by Kari Jobe, "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Gungor, and "I Will Exalt You" by Hillsong Live.

I've never played guitar in front of a lot of people, and I've never been on a worship team before so this experience was so very scary. I'm not too confident in my singing abilities, as it is the least musical thing I can do. Plus, I only play guitar in my room....or in a practice room, never in public. Such a huge step out of my comfort zone, especially when in front of your whole class!

Man, was I nervous. When I got up there my guitar strap came off, luckily we were praying and nobody really saw it. lol. I felt like the next 15 minutes of my life were going to be awful. I started us off with strumming, the piano came in, and singing...and it went almost perfectly after that. I sort of mess up on "Wrap Me In Your Arms" because I learned that song during our 2 practices. haha. It was ok though. I'm sure any non-musical person wouldn't have noticed. ;)

When it came to my song....I played the intro like 3 times before I actually got up enough courage to sing into the microphone. It was so weird hearing my voice! It sounds way better in a microphone, more clear, pristine. BUT, that means I hear more mistakes. This isn't good because I'm too critical of myself already...

I hate my voice....just putting this out there. I'm petrified when I go to my professional voice lessons, and they never help. I just get more nervous and clam up. Sweaty palms, shaking voice, heck, I barely sing half the time. I more so just hum and barely open my mouth, praying that what comes out is nice... But, lots of people gave me compliments on my voice and said it was very pretty. I must have a hearing problem. haha. OR, God made them hear a different sound coming out of that microphone that what was actually going into it. haha.

All in all, I'm glad I did this. I am better at music than I thought I was. I was brave, bold, and did something I've always wanted to do. I definitely feel blessed afterwards, and especially with this talent that God doesn't give to everyone. It's time to put the shyness away, because life in the world can be very painful if you're shy all the time. I know, I may not seem like a shy person, but I'm one of the most sensitive and vulnerable people I know. I enjoy my comfort zone, but recently I've worked on expanding it. And it feels good. I even considered trying out for the school musical, but decided I didn't have time. I can only imagine how much more I would have improved and grown in doing it. Oh well..

Especially when for the past 2 weeks or so I've never felt closr to giving up on music. Selling my guitar. I put my piano away in my room. My career as a musician was already over before it even began.

Just like the lyrics say,
"Because you're with me,
I will not fear"

Ironic.

In my darkest night, You shine as bright as day.

So.. I feel like I'm on the brink of a breakthrough.
That also means that the enemy comes at you with even stronger temptations and distractions.
It's been a rough week or so. A very deep and dark time. I'm not really sure what's come over me. Just a loss of hope and sadness. How many of you know that GOD IS BIGGER THAN THAT!!?
I was listening to the same worship music this morning that I always listen to, and "You Are Good" by Bethel Live came on. I sang the lyrics like I normally would, but it's like God suddenly threw them in my face.

"Nothing and no one comes
Anywhere close to you
The earth and oceans deep
Only reflect this truth
And in my darkest night
You shine as bright as day
Your love amazes me"

Repeat: "And in my darkest night, You shine as bright as day. Your love amazes me."

I felt like, "Duh, Sarah". Even in our darkest days, God shines as bright as day. I was standing by my sink getting ready when suddenly I felt God's brightness just overwhelm me. I was in awe for a few seconds. God's light was bright, but not only that, it was also warm. It's almost like when the sun rises in the morning and the second it peeks over the edge of the earth, everything is lit in one flashing sweep. God's brightness just peeked over the edge of my darkness. It encapsulated it entirely. There was no more darkness, and for a brief second I felt like God was saying these lyrics directly to me.

There is no darkness that will ever overwhelm God's light.
God's light is brighter than the brightest light bulb.
God's warmth isn't just a physical warmth, it's a comforting peaceful one.

The song also goes,
"With a cry of praise my heart will proclaim
You are good, you are good
In the sun or rain my life celebrates
You are good, you are good"

In the sun or rain, we still celebrate God's light, and His greatness.