Life is Simply Unpredictable.

"Are you okay with your life not turning out as you planned?"

My answer was, of course, "No." And it was an honest answer. 

I woke up one morning and the Holy Spirit dropped into my heart this one sentence that would forever change my perspective of myself and God.

"Are you OKAY with your life not turning out as you planned?" To someone who is a perfectionist, an over-achiever, a performance driven person - this answer is no, and it always will be....until you let God drastically change you. That's exactly what I needed to do. 

If you answered this question with, "No" then you have some serious control issues to work through. Hey, don't get offended, I did too. And still do, for that matter. You and I are in the same boat. 

Anyway, my journal entry for April 15, 2014 was simply this question, "Are you okay with your life not turning out as you planned?" The answer should be "No" for many reasons. For example, wanting to do better, wanting to achieve certain goals, wanting to get married and have kids, wanting to go back to school and get a Master's Degree and start a great career making lots of money. I don't know about you but I want to have a nice house, car, a family that loves me, a job I enjoy waking up for every morning, delicious food to eat every day, etc. These are all admirable, wholesome things... until they get in the way of GOD'S plan for your life. 

See, God's plan is far greater than anything we can imagine. Our human, finite brains can only fathom things that make sense. God simply does not make sense sometimes, and we have to be okay with that because He IS God, after all. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want a God that I could understand at all times. Life just wouldn't be fun, and God would be emptied of his power and awe. 

This question really plagued me.. I knew I had the wrong answer, and that my heart wasn't where it needed to be. I was putting MY plans for my life before God's plans. How many of you know that just never works out? And if it does, we are cutting ourselves short of something greater. God's plans are divine, mine are not. 

This is getting a bit lengthy so I will just leave you with this thought to ponder for yourself, "Are you putting your plans above God's plans?" Yes, God sees your heart, your desires, your longings, your feelings, and he hears your thoughts and prayers. However, we need to be able to get to the place of thinking, "Yes, I'm okay with my plans not being greater than YOUR plans for my life." 

My plans for my life: (or so I thought)
-Date/Marry so and so.
-Get a Youth Pastor position and have everything I could ever need.
-Get accepted into a Master's Program.
-Get a G.A. to pay for this program and have EVERYTHING for college paid for: food, school, dorm, bills, etc.
-Get a job at this place.
-Be roommates with this person.
-Have this picture-perfect life set up.

Well, here's what happened: 
-I haven't met my future husband yet.
-I haven't even been on a real date yet - and I'm 24 years old.
-I ended up turning down the Youth Pastor position because I never felt a "green light" to go even though I would have a two-bedroom apartment, bills taken care of with extra money to spend. I could be living in a cute town, with the perfect size youth group, in a beautiful scenic area...etc, etc.
-I did get accepted into the Master's Program, but I'm not supposed to go back to school at the moment.
-I was unable to get the position that would pay for this program because of bad timing. 
-My job is only a temporary position that will end in August, then I will have to find something else.. 
-I still haven't landed my "dream job" - and at this point, I'm not sure what that exactly looks like.
-I ended up leaving my roommate situation, and not being able to be roommates with another person. I moved back home, however, I currently live with some people who have been gracious enough to open up their home for me. 
-This "picture perfect" life is false. 

The life I pictured for myself to be living at age 24 is not what it is in reality - not even close. I had all these goals to meet, places to be, people to have in my life, etc. None of it turned out as I thought and hoped it would. 

Am I okay with this? Honestly, as a sign of spiritual maturity we need to be able to say, "Yes" to this question. You may be asking, "How do I do this?" Here's what I did: 

Limit social media. - it is giving you a false idea of how your life should be.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. - Seriously... this will eat you alive.
Learn to live in the present. - You will enjoy your day-to-day tasks better if you aren't SO focused on the future. (Although, your future is important and should not be ignored by any means.)
Practice trust over worry. Just like that verse says, "Lean not on your OWN understanding." Trust God. Acknowledge God. He will make your paths straight.

God is unpredictable..............life is unpredictable.....and I have to be okay with that. 

How selfish of me to think that I had to live life MY way, especially when my way isn't the best way - not even close.