Bend, But Don't Break.

How do you know when you're giving away too much of yourself?
As in...

How do you know when you're too obsessed with someone?
When you love too intensely? If that's even possible.

When you feel like you've given all you can give, how do you give more?
Are you supposed to overexert yourself? Or are you to take on solely what you know you can handle?

This is my predicament.
I guess I just don't know where to draw the line, and I'm too non-confrontational to do it.
I don't say what I feel.
I have a hard time telling people no.
I feel like I'm letting people walk all over me.
But....I don't know any other way.
I would rather sacrifice my happiness than stir things up.
I would rather live miserably than to tell others what I really feel.

Then again....sometimes I'm too blunt.
When there's no filter I say whatever the heck comes to mind.
Most of the time it just hurts others.
That's where the problem lies....
Not knowing where to draw the line.

I come home everyday to a disgusting house.
It always smells like dog pee to me.
My feet are black from walking on the floors because nobody ever cleans them.
The bathroom seems extra nasty when it's my week to clean it.
There's ALWAYS dishes in the sink.

I always try to clean up after myself, and I guess I expected others to as well.
I figured it's just something people knew how to do.
My room isn't a disaster.
My clothes are always clean.
I'd like to think that I'm always well groomed and never smelling bad.
Personal hygiene is a must..

I just don't know what to do anymore.
I can't keep picking up what isn't mine because it's driving me crazy.
I don't know how people can live like this sometimes...
I want to invite people over, but I'm scared to.

It's probably just because I'm OCD and anal about cleanliness...and it's hard when you live with people who aren't.
I just feel like everyday I'm complaining to my mom about how much I have to do, but I never really speak up about it when it needs it.

Another huge thing is helping out financially. I can only do so much, but it's jacked up because I'm the youngest one, yet the most financially stable. I love tithing, saving, and rarely spending. Granted, when I do spend money I spend a lot because chances are that I've been saving up for that extra special something.

If I think about the next 11 months here, I just wonder what's going to happen after that.
We will all part our separate ways and  continue on with life.
I'll look back thinking, "Man. I learned a lot."
Ultimately, I hope to be even more dependent on God to get me through stuff, and to learn how to have better relationship with the people so close me.

I just thought this would be different than it is.
It's hard forming routines around each other, not getting to always do what you want.
Listening to someone blast their music really loud...
Getting on different sleep patterns...

It's quite the change from dorm life and living on your own because you have to bend...and hopefully not break.