Being Spiritually Awake to the Unawakened Spirituals.

Let me just preface this blog before you read it..

It isn't nice.
It isn't theological.
It's me venting... so you'll just have to accept that.
I'm probably not right by what I say.
I'm probably speaking out of emotion, but sometimes that's okay.

So...I have to go into work at 7am today. I wake up and as soon as I step outside my door I find a packet of papers called, "No Christian Left Behind."  Pretty motivational....but I think these papers ended up at the wrong apartment.  I thought about sliding them over to my neighbors door, but then I decided that I really want to read them.....and I haven't yet, so I'll have to update you about that later.

Anyway, I was really thinking about God on my way to work this morning.  I was thinking that the roads are nice and empty, it's dark and cold, and I don't have an ice scraper when I really needed one, which almost made me late.... yet, there's a peace that swept over me.  Listening to worship on the way in just made it that much better. God knows I needed it to prepare myself for something else later.

There's this girl I work with.... I definitely don't like her, which makes me thankful that Christ said you never had to "love" them, but you had to "show" love to them. Well it's really difficult with her. 

I walk  up to the store before it even opens and I overhear her talking to my boss about her night...
She was talking about how tired she was and she even had a Starbucks in hand to prove it. 

Her, "So, I left the bar last night....and I called him, but I didn't think he was going to pick up....but then he did. And then I went over there....and then I left at 5am to go home, take a shower, then get back to work." 

Now, you have to understand this girl. She brags about EVERYTHING. Yep, even booty calls. It just makes me really sad because she talks about this "guy she's dating" when really they probably just sleep together, and you can label me as a judgmental, bad Christian, I really don't care, but this is the kinda stuff I hear her talking about ALL THE TIME.

She continually complains about being tired for the next 3, 4 hours we're at work.  And then...I decided to speak up. She complained again....and I said, "Hum.. I feel pretty good today." My boss goes, "Yeah. Me too. I'm a morning person though."  That was all it took for her to say, "Well....this week has been busy... I had to go here at so and so time. Then I had to be here..." At this point I just blocked her out.  Her voice annoys me. The things she does annoys me.  Her work "ethic", if you want to call it that, annoys me.

EVERYTHING ABOUT HER ANNOYS ME.

I know, you're probably thinking, "Dang. Sarah is....(fill in the blank), and you'd be right.
I'm just not sure how to handle her.  I'm struggling to find compassion for her "tiredness" at work when really it's just from her drinking too much, and having sex all night with her "boyfriend" she found on the internet. (This is a whole 'nother story in itself...). REALLY. You expect me to have compassion for how sleepy she is at work from not going to sleep the night before?? NO.

I'm just really proud of myself for calling her out on it.  She was bragging about all the "exams" and "tests" she's had to take....and granted, I'm sure it was a lot of hard work. 3 Praxis tests, she's a proctor for the ACT, she's taken the SAT, MCAT....blah, blah, blah. I get it. You're "successful".  But what I DON'T find successful is willingly calling a guy for a booty call because you feel so bad about yourself and your lack on self-confidence that HE is the only thing that will fix that.  I also don't find it very successful that you're an irresponsible drinker...and that you THRIVE on telling the "great" stories of it the next day.

I really just find you sort of lame.

And then...God convicted me of my lack of compassion for you. Lucky, you.

On the way home I just kept thinking....."I just really don't like her. Her personality clashes with mine. She brags about everything..." At one point in our conversation I interrupted her and rudely said that I had taken the credentialing exam and will soon be a Reverend.  I know, how prideful of me right? I just really wanted her to shut up, to be honest. Granted, I could have picked ANYTHING that wasn't spiritual, but I decided to be spiritual...and show her how spiritual I was. Terrible decision? Probably. I feel bad for doing it, but at that moment I was ignorant to her unawakened spirit....which leads me to say this.

I want to write a book called, "Being Spiritually Awake to the Unawakened Spirituals." 
On the way home, under my conviction, I felt bad and the Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, "Have compassion."  However, I feel like there's a difference in having compassion on someONE and on the amount of tiredness they show because of their bad decisions.  I have no compassion on the bad consequences that come with making bad decisions. 

I'll say it.
I'm glad she was miserable from drinking and such because maybe it will help her wake up and realize the world around her.....and that the world, in fact, doesn't revolve around HER.
Really, I don't have to work harder to make up for your lack of work ethic because of your decisions. And, I refuse to anyway.

Then again....this idea of compassion comes back to haunt me.

2 things I'm struggling with:
1. Finding the fine line between compassion and pity.
2. Simply just pitying people.

I know, you're gonna think I'm terrible, but I really just have to say it because maybe one of you out there can help me.

I want to have compassion for her, and on those others out there that I will soon face one day. 
Yet, part of me wants to pity her and find her dire life situation just really sad, and walk away.

Back to my book idea.... I also felt convicted that although I am spiritually awakened and others are not, we are the same.  God loves me just as much as he loves her, and at times I want to throw a temper tantrum and think it isn't fair. Granted, one day I'll be judged just as much as they will be, but at least I am ready for it.  The compassion comes in here....because they are not ready for this judgment that is to come.

And then something flashed before my eyes. 
The politics are getting out of control.
Even simple "faith" or "religion" conversations in the workplace can be a mild form of persecution.

....but the worst is yet to come.
The world is going to get FAR worse before the rapture happens, I think.
People are gonna have to choose one side or the other. And it really is a constant battle.

We are at war for our souls...and only the spiritually awakened realize it.
Just prepare yourselves....because things are gonna get nasty in the end times.
They already are.

I was texting my friend about this and he told me to remember 2 things.
1. People aren't the things they did yesterday, but they are their beliefs today.
2. People want to feel important.

And to this I have to say that 1: We all HAVE sinned and fall short of God's glory, but some boast about their shortcomings and I will never understand why.  It's like the things in #1, the things they do/did ARE indeed the things that make them feel important, #2.

So really, all this to say, I need to learn the difference between compassion and pity.
I need to be "Spiritually Awake to the Unawakened Spirituals". 

There are people out there who need Christ. And from now on I'm determined to find boldness so I can unashamedly preach the Gospel.

Oh, and on the way home I see her get in her car and start smoking a cigarette. I really wanted to snub my head at her, and then I just though, "it's really sad that people turn to cigarettes, booty calls, and drinking too much to make them feel important." 

We must learn to be spiritually awake to the unawakened spiritual people out there, because other than the fact that we are spiritually awake and they aren't...........we're the exact same.

God, help me.

You know those people who just fall through the cracks of society?
The people who go through life unnoticed, and then you suddenly meet them one day and discover how awesome they are?
Like, you wish you would have became their friends years ago...
Because when you meet, you feel like you've already known them for ages?
Yeah. Sometimes I feel like that person.

I fear that I'll strive so hard and work towards my career...and forget to have fun.
Forget to work on me.
Forget what the "real world" looks like because I'm just cooped up in my room studying all day.

I never go out anymore.
I never hang out with friends, except when it's convenient.
And...I've honestly let all my friendships go down the drain.
However, some of them were too dramatic and I'm glad I weeded them out..

I feel like I may be slipping through the cracks..
Granted, I enjoy having my life on the "DL", down low, but I wish guys would notice me.
I have no issues talking to them and being friends with them.
But that's where it ends... and you remain stuck in the "friend zone" for the rest of your life.
Or so it seems.

I'm not complaining that I'll never get married.
Sometimes I pride myself on how successful I know I can be...
Yet, other times I wish I had someone to share it with besides Jesus.
Then again, Paul says to be content in every situation.

If I'm being truthful, I'm getting discouraged that I can't find a job that will give me more hours.
I love the Land's End, but I wish they'd give me more hours. 4, 6, 10 hours is not enough to pay rent.
I'm worrying...getting anxious....I feel a form of depression setting in. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been able to afford my hormone balancing prescription....which means my emotions are wack.
I also spent $100 on my ministerial credentialing application instead of spending that money on food.
What was I thinking!? I don't know... but the whole job hunt makes you feel unqualified for anything.

I'm trying to see light at the end of the tunnel. This year will be over in 7 months.
May will be here soon enough, and then I can move onto something bigger and better...and hopefully more permanent.
Until then, I have 7 months to form and mold myself into the person I want to be.
The professional side of me that's dying to come out, but not yet confident enough.

UGH. I'm just discouraged... I really need a better job, with more hours...
I want to be able to afford good food again.
Somehow I haven't had food, yet I haven't gone hungry.
There's always food available that someone's provided in some sort of capacity.
I just want my parents back.
I want to live in my old house.
And have the love and care that I need.
I feel like I'm dying on my own..
I'm starting to think that I can't take care of myself.

I just thought God gave me this job...and at times I've thought about going back to work at old jobs.
I walk in the door....and I have this sudden hatred swarm over me...I can't go back..
I want something new, something good, something along the lines of my future career, something that pays the bills.
I made rent this month, but I fear my paycheck this week will only be about $30.
I got in a few hours doing receipts for a missionary I know...
I just can't survive much longer like this.

God is a provider.
I just feel like He isn't taking good care of me at the moment.
Then again, I feel like all of this is my fault..
And I can't blame my work for not having more hours to give out..

I'm so bitter and angry.
I always get excited about something, starting something new, meeting someone new, and then everything just turns out to be a letdown.

God, help me.
I'm falling through the cracks of society.

Torn.

My mind is telling me no.....
But my body is telling me yes.
Can't control these thoughts in my head.
Reminiscing about the past.

We used to have it all.
I was fun, free, and happy to be.
You fell away....we grew apart.
Dropped off the face of the earth.

You said you'd never leave.
I said I'd never let you go.
Times have shown...
Just how much we didn't know.
Young and naive..

If only I could go back.
I would have done things differently.
I would have never let you slip away.
I would have been the first.

I'm torn.
I know this is wrong...
There's so much at stake.
My future...my career.
This isn't the path to take.

My life could end before it even begins.
I know you're not the best for me..
But my heart can't take "No" for an answer.
I'm fighting my body....the sinful flesh.
I have to let you go..
Everyone knows..
This isn't how it's supposed to happen.

I want to do things right..
I must wait..

James Morrison- I Won't Let You Go

"I Won't Let You Go"

When it's black
Take a little time to hold yourself
Take a little time to feel around before it's gone
You won't let go but you still keep on falling down
Remember how you save me now from all of my wrongs
Yeah

If there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go

Say those words
Say those words like there's nothing else
Close your eyes and you might believe
That there is some way out
Yeah

Open up
Open up your heart to me now
Let it all come pouring out
There's nothing I can't take

And if there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

And if you feel the fading of the light
And you're too weak to carry on the fight
And all your friends that you count on have disappeared
I'll be here not gone, forever holding on

If there's love just feel it
And if there's life we'll see it
This is no time to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

If your sky is falling
Just take my hand and hold it
You don't have to be alone, alone yeah
I won't let you go
(Won't let you go)
(Won't let you go)

I won't let you go
I won't let
I won't let you go
No, I won't let
I won't let you go
I won't let you go

Rest in Peace, You Weary Souls..

So...my grandfather passed away last week.
A week ago exactly I would have been driving to the hospital to visit him.
Little did I know that would be the last time I would visit him before he passed.
I knew he was critical, but I didn't know how bad...and I didn't know what to expect.
After all, I'd never seen death staring me straight in the face before. Literally.

It's raining...which makes driving in the dark immediately 10x worse.. especially if the hospital is your destination. I didn't really want to go...I drove by it....a few times....never going inside. My phone was dying so I decided it was best for me to go home and get a charger because my parents were texting and calling on and off that whole time. I got home and my bed looked so very deeply tempting...but I knew I would be sleeping in the hospital overnight. It's what a good granddaughter would do, especially since last time my grandpa was in the hospital I didn't even know, and I thought he had gotten out when he really didn't.... 2 weeks later he was still there and nobody told me otherwise. I owed it to him to be there, especially during his last moments.

I get there and lots of people are visiting.  He's pretty popular in all the small neighboring towns. Everybody knew him and everybody loved him.  Everyone finally left around midnight and we could all finally sleep.  Lee had already been asleep for awhile when I got to the hospital. My brother (Caleb), aunt (Deana), and grandma (Marilyn) were there when I got there. My brother and I slept on the cold hard floor, although, I'm not sure we really did much sleeping.  The hospital light was bright, the floor was so hard and cold that I was shivering constantly. I knew I was in for a painful night..

Lee was asleep peacefully in his bed.  His breathing was heavy, but I guess that comes with old age. He was hooked up to oxygen and Marilyn was sitting next to him. There was nothing we could do or say to each other to ease the mood of the environment. It was just uncomfortable...and it was going to be until we left. So, regardless of our lack of sleep, all 4 of us woke up around the same time.  I remember checking 6:22 on my phone to tell the time.  I sat up, folded my blanket, fixed my hair, put on my glasses...and waited. I knew it had to be soon because God woke us all up around the same time...to prepare.

At 6:53 Lee Allen Holman went to be with Jesus. We waited and could tell his breathing was slowly getting heavier, deeper, and drawn out. I watched feeling helpless and upset that there was nothing I could do. He was sleeping peacefully and I knew his divine appointment was approaching. He lived no longer than was scheduled, and left no earlier than he should have.  God always has perfect timing...even in death.

As I watched him sleep and breath I could tell that it was getting more difficult for him. During the night he had yelled/moaned a few times and it freaked us all out.  I've never experienced death before so I didn't really know what this was. Each time I thought it might have been his last. His open-mouth breathing got heavier and then he stretched his body out.....then went into sleep apnea a few times. My aunt gave my grandma his hand and she held it.  My aunt wiped up the drool as his tongue began to show and the sleep apnea took over. He breathed....then stopped....then breathed again.....then stopped...for good. My aunt held him and lifted up his eyelids and then put them back down.  With tears in her eyes she said, "It's ok. You can go be with Jesus. It's ok. You can go home now."  And with that she checked for a pulse for a few more seconds until she gave us the nod that he was gone.

This was a deeply sad day in my heart, and in my family's heart, but I watched my grandfather pass away with Jesus in his heart. There's no better feeling than that. He had a divine appointment with Jesus, and at times I'm often jealous of that. He's way ahead of me in life, and he's at peace and rest.

There's no pain in heaven.  Lee has a glorified body with no leukemia...and no need for blood transfusions every 7 days.  He has no more internal bleeding or swelling.  No more heavy breathing, and no more pain every time he moves a muscle. He's found rest for his weary soul.

Lee Allen Holman was a Godly man.  He went to church every Sunday since 1958 when he got saved and joined the church.  I would ask him what he learned at church many times and he would ask me the same.  We never got too deeply theological which is a nice break when you go to Bible College and get sick of having debates all the time.  I just knew that he was a Christian and that was all that mattered. 

To be honest with you, I honestly haven't grieved one bit.  In my mind he's still here, and telling jokes, making fun of me, or doing some sort of teasing. I'm gonna miss it, but I like to remember him that way.  I don't like to think of him as dying in the hospital with cancer....I just don't. I barely cried at the funeral, and I only shed a few tears as I'm writing this.  This is hitting my family a lot harder than it is me, and I'm not sure why.  Somebody today in class defined me as a "late griever". That's probably why, but I'm really not looking forward to this whole grieving process at all. I'd rather be a "never griever". Maybe. Maybe not. Anyway, all I know is that I want to leave behind the legacy that Lee did.

We were at his visitation for more than 3 hours grieving with people.  See, Lee knew everyone from neighboring cities, and they knew him.  He knew everyone in Morrisville and went to all the sports games there, year-round.  All the coaches and softball team showed up at the visitation to represent.  My grandparents even had their own seats with their names engraved on them in the gym at my high school.  They were deeply loved and cherished by all. Lee made lots of friends at church and everywhere he went.  I'm certain that that little town country church has never held so many people at one time than it did the day of his funeral.  He was a stunning, genuine, and loving man. 

I loved everything the young preacher had to say about him.  He even preached Christ's second coming because he knew Lee would have wanted that! We sang his favorite songs, "What a Day", "How Great Thou Art", and "Amazing Grace".  I wish I could have sang and played guitar, but I'm sort of glad I didn't. I felt unworthy. Maybe I could have written a eulogy? Nah. Chances are, the people who came to the funeral already knew exactly what sort of man Lee was...and I couldn't have told them any more.

So...this is my memoir.  I figured I should get it out while it's stuck in my brain, rather than pushing it to the back and just trying to get over it.  So, if you've read this entire thing...thanks, but I'm not finished. I have a few more things to say about death...

Death. It's the only thing permanent. It's also the only thing worth living for. We can't have life without death.  Death is going to happen to everyone.  The Word says that one day every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and I believe that! If you're out there reading this and you do not have a PERSONAL relationship with Christ, I'm scared for you. Christ is coming very soon and you don't know if you will even wake up from your sleep tonight. My grandpa went peacefully but that's because he had the peace of Jesus in his heart. When you get to heaven God is going to recount every single on of your thoughts. The times you've questioned him. The times when going to church has crossed your mind.  The times when your heart was racing so quickly and you knew you should have responded to that altar call.  The times when you've been at funerals and wept over the death of others.  There's so much uncertainty in not knowing things. If there's one thing we can stand firm in here on earth it's the peace and rest for our souls that Christ alone can offer. If this is you, I'm praying for you. You probably hate me saying that, but you're the one I'm writing this for.

With that being said, may you rest in peace, you weary souls..

In Memory of..

So...yesterday was probably one of the saddest days in my life.
I'd definitely put it up there with one of the worst days of school, at least.

We had the memorial service for Roger Thomassen, my piano teacher, and friend.
It was very sad, but in the midst of the sadness the family was still worshiping God.
It began with the song, "Blessed Assurance" which is fitting because Roger always loved the hymns!
There were so many of his music students involved that it just warmed my heart.
I wish I could have been up there but then again I probably couldn't have handled it.

Brother Thomassen was always a man of God.
He never stopped working.
From watering the flowers around campus, to writing fabulous blogs about the poetry and music, to running 5K's, teaching classes, giving lessons, he was always busy doing something. Maybe his busyness just caught up with him? If that's the case, that's how I'd like to go out too....with a bang for Jesus.

He was always faithful to God, I just know it. You can tell when someone just radiates holiness. He was one of those. Faithful to the end, never giving up, always striving to do great things for God and never ceased.

The service was just overall great. Very sad, but very great. It gave me the closure I needed because I couldn't make it to the actual funeral (celebration of life) service. I had an eye exam that day, but one of my friends called me and told me how amazing it was. Definitely a celebration of a noble life. She said that one of my music professors read my Facebook post because it captured the essence of who Roger truly was. I felt such peace and comfort in my heart that day. I was really bummed that I couldn't be there, but I know that he knows I was there in spirit...especially since they picked my Facebook post. MINE! Numerous people were writing their condolences, memories, feelings....but they picked mine. I felt so special, honored, and I'm thankful that I felt led to write it that day. Yesterday they read my Facebook post again, but I was there to hear it! And I broke down.

Brother Thomassen,

I know you're reading this now...from a better perspective. If you're reading this I just really want to say that I'm sorry for dropping piano lessons. We could have had another semester together. Another semester I missed out on learning from your wisdom and hearing all of your amazing stories...but it's ok. I will pick piano back up again one day, I promise. And every time I play a song I will remember you.

For some reason I think you're still up in your office....just hiding out. Grading papers....composing a song...
I will miss just being able to go up there and have a chat with you. At this point I find myself trying to rack my brain and have all of our moments and memories flood back..

I remember one time in the cafe you told me that you had read my blog, and you enjoyed it.  You told me to keep writing. I always loved reading your blogs too. If only you could read this one, but I know you probably are.

I won't have anyone to talk to about you know who...  You gave him piano lessons as a kid, he used to go to CBC, and now he isn't serving God.  I know your heart grieved when I told you that as much as mine still does.

Man...this is hard. I'm just gonna miss everything about you, but I know everything is better in heaven and we will see each other again one day.  They probably have better pianos, bigger sheet music, better blogs interfaces, and way more flowers for you to water.

I wish I could be where you were, but my job here isn't done.
But when it is, we shall meet again.

Thanks for being my friend.
I learned a lot from you in such a short amount of time.

My Facebook post:

"I'm so sad to mourn the loss of Roger Thomassen. He was the first professor I met when I was pulling into CBC my first day to move into the dorms. He helped unload my stuff and we immediately started talking about music. I'll never forget the piano lessons I had with him for a year. He always encouraged me to see potential in myself that I didn't realize I had. My favorite lesson was when he got e

xcited that I learned inversions faster than most of his other students. He taught me to read sheet music with imagination and made practicing more fun than work. I loved that he would always high-five me after each lesson. He was definitely one of the coolest, funnest, wisest, and most encouraging professors I've ever had. Part of my love for music was because of his inspiration. You will be missed." - August 13, 2012.

Oh, and if this memorial service wasn't difficult enough, later in the day I found out that it was my preaching professor's last day.. 

He was the reason I changed my minor to preaching. He had such a powerful way of teaching and in one semester I loved it enough to add it as my minor. I remember talking to him after class about female preachers.  He told me to take every opportunity I get to preach.  Even if it's just being up on stage, youth, anything.

However the part that touched me the most was that he said he had chosen ministry over his wife and family before....and he's had to struggle through that.  He's stubborn....and didn't want to leave CBC.  He wanted to be here forever and he said the moment he graduated he knew he wanted to come back.  He wanted to stay with us until the end...but the consolidation has changed that.  

His wife had an interview in NY and they both went.  They people at the school started talking to him too! He was adamant about turning them down because CBC was where he wanted to be.  He said his wife had been gone for a week and a half and his daughter was here with him.  At first I thought they were splitting up or something, but then he said his last day was today. 

 

He said he made the absolute wrong decision in picking ministry over his family. He said family ALWAYS comes before ministry. He apologized for not making this decision sooner...it'd almost be better if he didn't come back this August...but I'm glad he did so everyone could say goodbye. Then, he asked if we had any questions and proceeded on with class. A pretty terrible transition but I guess there's no way it could have been any smoother. We prayed with him after class. I'm excited about what his future holds! Starting a Bible Institute will be amazing.

Anyway, I still feel the heaviness from yesterday. I think this last year at CBC is going to be rough, yet exciting. I love all of my classes, but the atmosphere is so different. Different in a good way, yet bittersweet way because I know this is the end. 

The End.

God Has a Plan in the Midst of Exile.

So...last night I got to preach at church.
...BIG church.

I was so nervous I thought I might throw up on stage....but luckily I didn't.
I'd say I did pretty good for being my first 20ish minute sermon and my first time on a big stage!

I preached, "God has a plan in the midst of exile." from Jeremiah 29:10-14.
I had known I was going to preach for the past month, but it wasn't until the week of Fine Arts that I knew what I was supposed to preach.  Every evening that week I went back to my hotel and pushed play on my iPod. "I Will Search for You" by Israel & New Breed came on.  I'd always loved this song, but this week it just rang so true and clear to me.

This message was even more so confirmed as I told a coworker what I was preaching about, and he said he had done that same verse for his sister's graduation video! And then my mentor emails me saying she prayed for me and signs the email with Jeremiah 29:11! And then my roommate just so happens to tell me she's reading a book by Eugene Peterson about the book of Jeremiah. WOW!

Sarah, you aren't searching for God enough.  You've been so run down this whole summer with working a full-time job, having 2 online classes, and an internship I had to be faithful to.  However, God had a plan in the midst of exile.

That was exactly my homiletical idea but I didn't know it until I began writing the sermon.
And this sermon took me a few days to write!! I started with the exegetical outline, homiletical outline, and then the sermon manuscript. For those of you not in Bible College, let me put it in layman's terms (hahahah! no offense, of course) I wrote out an outline of the verses, then an outline of the concepts/ideas I got from the verses, and then a word-for-word manuscript of what I wanted to say.

I'd actually only practiced preaching this sermon once on Monday night, once Tuesday night, and then a few times Wednesday before I had to give it.  I've never been so scared of anything in my life, and to top it off I started getting a headache... Bad timing...but I took some aspirin and napped for an hour so it went away before it really began!

The purpose of my sermon was this, to let people know God has a plan a promise for their lives even when we feel like exiles.  We've all been ostracized at some point in our lives before...whether it be missionaries in a foreign land, or a military person being deported... these are all extreme cases just like when the Israelites were exiled to Babylon. Nonetheless, we've all felt left out before, alone, meaningless, worthless. We've all questioned who we are at some point in our lives.

...when I got up on stage all my jitters disappeared after I prayed.
I was up on stage, like this is what I'm supposed to be doing the rest of my life, whether it be pastoring, or just being a motivational speaker...which has secretly always been a hidden desire of mine.

I'm so thankful I had great friends who came!
Thank you to Sarah, Beka, Heidi, Allie, Misty, Sophia, Kim, Breanne, Elyse and all who came. :)
It made that night really special and so much easier to preach in a loving environment!!

Everyone came up to me after service saying how great it was....how they didn't know I had such hidden talent. Someone even told me that he was going to say that I would make a great minister one day, but he said that I already was one. :) Pastor even joked about stealing my notes... hahaha!

But in all honesty, the sermon wasn't about me...it was about God and his plan. It wasn't about me being up on stage doing something fanciful for God. It wasn't me pointing out how spiritual I am. It was about me telling the people going through rough times that God has a plan even if they cannot see it in the midst of their sin, depression, anger, bitterness, etc. God is greater than the words I spoke, and I fumbled my words at times and could have used better illustrations..

The sermon itself wasn't great, but it was the lesson behind it that made it great.

I'm so thankful for my 3 months at this church.  They even took up a love offering which meant a lot to me. Oh, and I got a cd of my sermon too! It's crazy when you're surrounded by an entire church that feels like family and wants to hug and kiss you ever week even if you haven't personally gotten to know them as well as you'd want.

This was just such a great experience and I thank God for the opportunity to be used for His glory.

God has a plan in the midst of exile, a plan and a promise that we can stand on. Know that, and don't ever forget it.

Jeremiah 29:10-14