To Bemoan is to Mourn.

So, as I was reading my devotional in Jesus Calling today I came across a word I didn't exactly know the meaning of.

"bemoaning", or, "to bemoan"

Yeah...you probably don't know what it means either, so let me inform you. :)

I quickly googled it, otherwise I would have no idea what my devotional was about. hahah.

Advertisement (Bad banner? Please let us know)	be·moan  (b-mn) tr.v. be·moaned, be·moan·ing, be·moans 1. To express grief over; lament. 2. To express disapproval of or regret for; deplore:

My devotional:

"I am with you. These four words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair. Because you are human, you will always have ups and downs in your life experience. But the promise of My Presence limits how far down you can go. Sometimes you may feel as if you are in a free fall, when people or things you had counted on let you down. Yet as soon as you remember that I am with you, your perspective changes radically. Instead of bemoaning (I bold faced it to emphasize) your circumstances, you can look to Me for help. You recall that not only am I with you, I am holding you by your right hand. I guide you with My counsel, and afterward I will take you into Glory. This is exactly the perspective you need: the reassurance of My Presence, and the glorious hope of heaven.

Zephaniah 3:17; Psalm 73:23-26



The word "bemoaning" really stuck out to me. First of all, I didn't know what it meant, and secondly, I've been "bemoaning" things all week. To bemoan means to grieve, lament, experience sorrow, pity, complain, wail about, weep over. I've been doing a lot of this lately....but I had no idea what to call it. After reading this I realize that to bemoan something means to express emotion over it. To grieve over it. To pity yourself and cry and wail like a big baby, at least for me anyway. The devotional said, "instead of bemoaning your circumstances, you can look to Me for help".

Instead of crying yourself to sleep each night over feeling lonely, or grieving your past, or throwing a temper tantrum because God isn't giving you what you want.....rethink it. Don't dwell on it, don't dwell on what you don't have, and don't dwell over what you do have. It continues in saying, "This is exactly the perspective you need: the reassurance of My Presence, and the glorious hope of heaven."

All the previous things I mentioned can be cured by one thing: perspective. Rather, a change of perspective. To cure the loneliness or grief, we need not dwell on it, or wail over it, or pity ourselves for not having a soul mate yet, we can be reassured of God's presence, and the hope of heaven that we have.

Sometimes I tell my self that it's ok to be human.....that inevitably, I will make mistakes, say something I shouldn't have said, or try being something I'm not. Through all of this, "I am with you. These four words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair."

I will not grieve because I have hope in heaven. (Psalm 73:25)
I will not despair because I make mistakes. (Psalm 73:26)

I will not bemoan my circumstances because God is my help. (Psalm 73: 24-26)

Don't bemoan. It causes you more pain than good......................... :)

The Golden Rule Broken Down

So, I was hanging out with one of my best friends a few nights ago, and he gave me the best piece of advice I'd ever heard from him.

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Say about others as you would have them say about you.
Talk to others as you would have them talk to you.
Love others as you would have them love you.
Believe in others as you have them believe in you.
Cultivate relationship with others as you would have them cultivate relationships with you.
Listen to others as you would have them listen to you..."

He said, "It's so basic, yet I honestly tend to forget to do these things. I hope that you never do for they are the real source of joy. God won't make you happy (he never promises that), but being what God is to you towards others will."

Man. Sometimes I think that sinners have more encouraging words than Christians. Or maybe it's just that they represent the Bible better than we do at times. Needless to say, I learned my lesson and hope to never forget to live like this. After all, Jesus just didn't toss the Golden Rule at his disciples, he preached it on the Sermon on the Mount. THE BEST SERMON EVER GIVEN. Yeah, It's THAT important. Jesus said, "this sums up the Law and the Prophets". Meaning, "that's it. The Golden Rule...." Treat others the way you want to be treated, with love, kindness, and good character.

Matthew 7:12

I have a love/hate relationship with love.

There comes a point in your life when you realize you're tired at working at relationships.
For me...that point is now....age 21.
Maybe I'm the only one who's felt this way, and that's fine.
I'm just sharing my thoughts and feelings........

As I look back over the past 6 years of my life, I can only think of a few things.
1. I wasted time worrying about boys.
2. I wasted time ON boys.

I'm not addicted to them, and I don't love every one of them.
I refuse to believe that I wear my heart on my sleeve, but my sleeve seems awfully wet from drying tears they've cause to fall from me.
I'd like to think I'm merely figuring out God's greatest attribute: love. loving. lover.
After all, God is THE greatest lover. He is love.
I can't argue the definition of love, and all that encompasses it...because....I can't get my mind around it. It's as simple as that.....the conclusion it took me 6 years to find. Love is too great for me to comprehend, because God is too great for me to comprehend.

I will never understand why He loves me. It's obvious that no man on earth has ever loved me in return, which is hard to swallow, but at the same time, it's easy to realize that an infinite being you've never met loves you deeply and intimately. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

I'll be honest, in the midst of loneliness the only thought that enters my mind deals with love.
The love of God.
The love He freely gives.
The only love I've ever known.
The greatest love I've ever known.

Right now, this very moment....1:47am, there's no place I'd rather be than with Jesus.
No more pain, no more worrying, no more heartbreaks.
The perfect picture of love standing right in front of me.

He loves me when no one else does.
When you think all love in the world is lost.
Or when love seems to happen for everyone else except you.
When you think you've lost your chance at it, or from ever experiencing it, you realize...you just don't give a rip anymore. At least, that's where I'm at.

I probably won't care if a guy never talks to me again. For the rest of my life.
I'm sure after awhile females would get boring, and too dramatic for me, but the thought of never having to worry about men seems like sort of a relief.
In fact, living in a world of women is the only solution to not worrying about men that I can come up with at this moment. Then again, it is 1:50 in the morning and I wish my laundry would hurry up.

I guess...the point in writing this is... that I refuse to get my hopes up. I refuse to like someone who doesn't like me back. I refuse to let my interest and curiosity get me into trouble and heartache because, well, it's just not worth it anymore. If you play a sport and suck uber bad....eventually you stop playing. You give up, throw in the towel, and walk away. But, it's ok...because that's when you feel free and such relief.

I felt that way when I walked away from my last softball game. Relief. I formed a love hate relationship with it. On the fence of deciding you hate something, or love it. So then you just decide it has to be both because it's easier than actually having to choose indefinitely.

That's where I'm at. I have a love/hate relationship with love. Or maybe I just hate loving and not being loved back. God is enough. God's love is enough... keep repeating this....

New Year's Resolutions! 2012.

I do believe in resolutions for the New Year, but I also know that nobody on earth is perfect at them.
If you plan on working out everyday and fail, just pick up where you left off the next day.
If you plan on drinking more water, yet can't break the caffeine headaches and fall for it over and over again, don't beat yourself up over it.

So, here goes:

1. Can you guess? "Get in shape". Probably the #1 resolution of all time.  


My plan:
-Drink more water (I've already gotten pretty good about this, but still needs improvement).
-Workout 3 times a week (Already conquered this, just need more consistency and more planned routines). -Eat a vegetable and fruit with every meal.
-Portion control.
-Almost absolutely no fast food, tone down the Chinese nights as well.
-No late night eating.
-Less dessert (Not a huge dessert fan, but I still need to monitor it. lol)

2. Image/Wardrobe.

My plan: 
-Buy more flattering clothes for my body.
-Try to make new outfits out of clothes I already have.
-Try new things.
-Less hoodies.
-Wear makeup everyday.
-Fix hair everyday: straighten more often.

3. Biblical/Spiritual Disciplines.


My plan:
-Memory Verses
-Read the Bible at least 30 minutes a day, uninterrupted.
-Pray without ceasing. Pray more, and more, and more. :)
-Learn to fast.

4. MUSIC!!


My plan:
-Play more. Obviously. lol.
-Get more playing opportunities.
-Write more songs.
-Take lessons again?

5. Have more fun. Whatever that entails.
6. Help others.
7. Love. Love others. Love myself. Love life.

Being like Job is an honorable job.

Sometimes....you just feel like a Job.

You lose your family, in my case, they move 10 hours away.
You feel like you lose all your possessions, in my case, money.
You just feel like you've lost your home, and honestly, God is the ONLY thing left.

Maybe the cold, dark, dorms are getting to me.
Maybe the loneliness and silence is finally setting in, and it's making me crazy?

Just when you think your life is getting good, it gets bad. Worse than bad.
Sin becomes uncontrollable, your suddenly stop caring about your habits, and you form more bad ones than good ones...
You forget what you're living for.
Until.....
You meet someone who has it worse off, and they're more optimistic than you.

Right now, I feel like ripping my shirt in half, and shaving my head.
I just can't bring myself to do it, laziness seems to be creeping in as well.

Doing nothing shouldn't be this stressful. Christmas break should be a cheerful and joyous time.
It was, but not when you're concerned about a divorce, having no money, waiting to hear back about a job, or falling into the vicious cycle of sin and isolation.

I told my friend I was feeling like a Job lately, and yesterday she called me about a message she heard at church. She said that Job was pure and blameless. The most sinless man on all the earth. God cherished him, and God CHOSE him. God chose Job to be tested by Satan because of all these things. Because of his spirit, his intimate walk with God, and Job's goodness. God agreed to let Satan tempt Job because he knew Job could handle it.

During this "Job" season of your life, maybe God is choosing you. Maybe Satan wants his chance with you so badly, and God is letting him test you.....only because He knows how strong you are. Only because He knows you won't fail or give in. He knows nothing can bring you down, and you draw nearer in times of hardship and trials.

God is calling me to be a Job. When I'm sad and pulling a "Job" pity party, it's really because Job was GREAT, and God KNEW that. Going through a "Job" season is a very honorable thing. God saw Job as worthy enough and strong enough to let him be tested by Satan. Maybe it's the same for you and I.

Dear Mr.,

Dear Mr.,

I've got this letter I've written to you.
See, I would tell you in person,
but you've got this other girl, you see.
It's not that easy for me.

If you knew me like I wish you did,
then you'd know that I'm sort of into you.
I've met perfection at its finest.
But, you're just the "boy across the way".

If you could have your way,
I'd give myself away.
I'd be in your arms, until my dying day.
But, you're just the "boy across the way".

This letter, here goes...
To you, my dear Mr.,
I wish I knew how much you missed her.
The girl you're with...
She's from the past,
But I guess she's back..

She's got you wrapped around her finger.
A silver, shiny ring..
But how long will your heart linger?
before it gets to me..

We could go away forever.
Forget the world together.
It's not what they say,
It's about the trials we face.

I'd hold your hand when you're feeling blue.
Sip coffee in the moonlight, and talk about Truth.
We'd sit at your table, for hours after ten.
Until curfew comes, then the night must end.

To you, my dear Mr.,
I wish you knew how much I missed you.
It was love at first sight,
When you came through my line.

That day I invited you out for tea,
I looked around the room,
The Lord spoke to me,
"I made him for you".
A voice so clear, so vivid, so true.
The voice I heard was not from you.

I've got this letter I've written to you,
See, I would tell you in person,
but you've got this other girl, you see.
It's not that easy for me.

For you, I'd write a song.
Because with you, nothing seems wrong.
The world's made right.
But it's just my fright, that you'd walk away.
Then again, you're just the "boy across the way".

1 Peter 2:11

1 Peter 2:11...

"Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul."

This verse has been popping out at me the past few days. 
I know why, I just don't want to change.
Rather, change is more difficult than my flesh wants to endure.

The world isn't where we live. We do literally, but we have citizenship in heaven with Christ one day. We're foreigners, just passing through life and its different seasons that take us by storm.  Most oftentimes, Christians are exiles...in the aspect that we should never feel comfortable where we're at.  We will never feel "at home" here on earth. At least, I don't. I long to be with Jesus everyday. Some days I just wish He would rapture me. 

Sometimes my flesh gets the best of me. Actually, many times..
I cannot go a day without sinning.
I cannot go a day without praying.
I shouldn't go a day without repenting. Do I? Probably.

To abstain from sinful desires....well, that's like telling us to not live in our skin.
We were made that way....born into a sinful world. 
A fallen world around me gets the best of me on most days.
That just means I have to try harder the next.

It's hard to "try" not to sin. You have to watch everything you do, say, and think...
Man. I can barely control my thoughts long enough to train my mind to think about something else.
If I think a bad thought, it's hard to take my mind off it until I've completed the thought. Especially the bad ones.
BUT.....although this is the most difficult spiritual concept to master, in my opinion, it's the most crucial.
"to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul"
WAGE WAR AGAINST YOUR SOUL........


I'm trying to comprehend that. 
It isn't something to take lightly, your relationship with God depends on it.
Do I try to abstain from sinful desires? Not always. At times I feel defeated, so when the temptation arises it becomes pointless to try to not sin. It just happens. 
However, this is terrible thinking....
Sin wages war against our soul. 
It's an ongoing battle, and will be, unless we learn self-control.

Sin is a fleshly desire. A desire withdrawn from the heart.
What's in my heart? It's definitely not as pure as it could be. 
Is there junk in there hidden that I need to get out? Definitely.


I'm just thinking about this verse aloud. 
It's 1 am, and this is how my thoughts process.
I guess that's what a blog is for? My deepest ponderings.
I'm going to end this by saying that sin can get out of control, it can ruin your life, it can stay hidden forever but pop up in the most inconvenient times. That's normally when you miss out on God's blessing because there's still part of you that you aren't willing to surrender. So, there's part of God that cannot bless you because you haven't been faithful in repentance and abstaining from sinful desires.  


Lord, help me.