So...this week I got to lead Junior Class chapel worship. Probably the most fun and exciting thing I've ever done. I've never been more nervous about anything else in my life. Probably because nothing is more important than worship. My job was to lead the people into the presence of God.
I contemplated music selection for 3 weeks. What songs to play?? Better yet, what songs to LEARN. There are only a few songs on guitar that I'm pretty great at playing. It was helpful to have a friend help me too. He played piano and sang, which helped me feel more confident about the whole thing, especially with only practicing together twice. Two instruments + two voices = an awesome melodic set. We played "No Sweeter Name" by Kari Jobe, "Wrap Me In Your Arms" by Gungor, and "I Will Exalt You" by Hillsong Live.
I've never played guitar in front of a lot of people, and I've never been on a worship team before so this experience was so very scary. I'm not too confident in my singing abilities, as it is the least musical thing I can do. Plus, I only play guitar in my room....or in a practice room, never in public. Such a huge step out of my comfort zone, especially when in front of your whole class!
Man, was I nervous. When I got up there my guitar strap came off, luckily we were praying and nobody really saw it. lol. I felt like the next 15 minutes of my life were going to be awful. I started us off with strumming, the piano came in, and singing...and it went almost perfectly after that. I sort of mess up on "Wrap Me In Your Arms" because I learned that song during our 2 practices. haha. It was ok though. I'm sure any non-musical person wouldn't have noticed. ;)
When it came to my song....I played the intro like 3 times before I actually got up enough courage to sing into the microphone. It was so weird hearing my voice! It sounds way better in a microphone, more clear, pristine. BUT, that means I hear more mistakes. This isn't good because I'm too critical of myself already...
I hate my voice....just putting this out there. I'm petrified when I go to my professional voice lessons, and they never help. I just get more nervous and clam up. Sweaty palms, shaking voice, heck, I barely sing half the time. I more so just hum and barely open my mouth, praying that what comes out is nice... But, lots of people gave me compliments on my voice and said it was very pretty. I must have a hearing problem. haha. OR, God made them hear a different sound coming out of that microphone that what was actually going into it. haha.
All in all, I'm glad I did this. I am better at music than I thought I was. I was brave, bold, and did something I've always wanted to do. I definitely feel blessed afterwards, and especially with this talent that God doesn't give to everyone. It's time to put the shyness away, because life in the world can be very painful if you're shy all the time. I know, I may not seem like a shy person, but I'm one of the most sensitive and vulnerable people I know. I enjoy my comfort zone, but recently I've worked on expanding it. And it feels good. I even considered trying out for the school musical, but decided I didn't have time. I can only imagine how much more I would have improved and grown in doing it. Oh well..
Especially when for the past 2 weeks or so I've never felt closr to giving up on music. Selling my guitar. I put my piano away in my room. My career as a musician was already over before it even began.
Just like the lyrics say,
"Because you're with me,
I will not fear"
Ironic.
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