If You've Grieved, You Truly Loved.

When you love someone....you just can't let it go. You never will. That's why it's "love". It never fails. Always perseveres. It never disappoints, and is always enough. We may not FEEL like it's enough, but feelings are deceiving. I've felt depressed for most of my life after high school. In fact, there was a time when I didn't even feel like getting out of bed that day. Instead, I'd rather just lay there and cry. Dying seemed like the only way out, and a very good option at that. I'd never have the guts to actually kill myself, or cause myself pain in any way. I hate pain, and I hate having to endure it.

Grieving....the gut wrenching feeling you get when you hear that certain someone's name, think about them, have a flashback, or a memory continually repeat itself...
Such a heavy burden you almost fall to your knees..

You love them so much, that you want every part of their life but there's nothing you can do about the life they're living. Well...I imagine that's how Jesus feels sometimes. I know God is hearing my thoughts, seeing my actions, and hearing my words and He's probably got some interesting thoughts about them.

I fall short of the glory of God everyday....I always will.
I'll never be enough, but still He wants me.
I'm so unloving and unkind, and down right selfish. But he still loves me back. Even when I don't desire him. Why? Because He's so merciful and faithful. Man. If you truly grasp this thought it's soooo profound.

God....the Almighty....Creator of heaven and earth, divine healer, Alpha and Omega, why don't people want this amazing love!!!?? I just don't get it. To go from sensing death everyday of your life, to basking in the love that feels like a ray of sunshing beating on your entire body. It's the best feeling in the world. Better than I would imagine sex to be. Better than winning the lottery. Better than sipping a martini in a hammock, or anything else this world could ever try to offer me.

.....Sometimes it just doesn't feel like it's enough. And recently I've figured out why. "Why Sarah, why isn't Jesus enough for you?" I couldn't figure it out. BUT, it hit me. Jesus isn't enough for me, because I don't LET HIM BE. I think to myself about all these things I want God to do for me, when really, I don't just be still and let God be God. We stress ourselves over trying to control things we have absolutely no pull on. We're paranoid about finances, and if we'll ever run outta money. We're obsessive about the opposite sex, and finding a mate.

WHY?
Well...usually when there's an element missing from our spiritual lives, it's probably ourselves. If I'm just not getting anything from daily Bible reading, it's probably because I'm taking myself out of it and not truly listening, absorbing, memorizing. It's because I'm looking for the blessing. It's because I want something from God....with a bad motive. Selfishness. Pride.

We'll never be good enough for God. My whole life that's how I felt. But although everyone else rejects and hurts you because you're not enough. God says He wants us FOR that very reason. He came to take the pain away. And He does. With a love so divine, nothing else could ever compare.

Have you ever just been staring off into space and you start crying? For no reason? Ok, maybe that's just me....but you realize God loves you. How could anyone love me? Nothing can separate us from the love of God. There's such a strong bond between Creator and creation, we're MADE to experience that in a relationship with Christ. That IS why He created us, to love us.

Man....I'm deep thinking tonight.
Back to love... if you grieve someone, you truly loved them. That's all there is to it. On late nights like these it comes back to creep on ya. It creeps up, and before you know it you're stuck missing them for the next few days. You love them. You always will. Maybe it's not in God's plan, but loving others is.